About

       A quest to find answers to my being & reality took me to an ultimate journey and purpose in life. This journey is most intimate, personal, and unique for us. For myself, it started as a wish to understand and learn about myself, my everyday thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviours. Still, it has evolved into the most beautiful unfolding of connecting to my inner self and others. I have benefitted a lot from reading other people’s accounts and life journey of confusion to clarity. This has given me the courage and required push to share my own. It was harder to write about it than to endure them.

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        My ultimate realisation was the discovery underlying my suffering and learning the same lessons that are the suffering taught me.

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        I realised how all the suffering and behaviours patterns are rooted in my childhood, and I have been reacting to the emotions I experienced as a child.

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      Growing up, being a girl in a family with limited resources, I always craved more freedom and hated all authority. I had a relentless desire to venture out into the world and discover for own self what’s been kept away from me intentionally or unintentionally by family and culture. At that time, I always intuitively sensed this subtle ability to fulfil my dreams and unique destiny. Like every one of us, I yearned for happiness all the time. But I failed to understand happiness; how happiness was modelled seemed foreign to me.

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         My life faced significant shifts and challenges, frustrations, and uncertainties when I moved to Australia from India in 2007—during my first year in Australia, living a lifestyle of constant stress to survive and strive to find my feet in this whole new world and a very different culture. I felt alone, sad, angry, jealous, frustrated, overwhelmed, anxious and despaired. I felt like being judged all the time with constant chattering of the mind of my self-doubt. I felt I was not good enough, not worthy enough, scared to own my thoughts and unable to recognise my emotions. But like most of us, I got trained to override, suppress and repress all those emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. I did not know how even to recognise if any such thing existed that could help me. At that time, I had no tools to recognise my unhelpful thought pattern; dealing with those feelings and doing something about my negative emotions was far off. I internalised all those emotions and did not care much about healthy eating and self-care, which had profound consequences on my physical health.

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      I had multiple hospital admissions for stomach pains. I got diagnosed with Idiopathic Fibrocalcific Pancreatopathy (Idiopathic because the medical profession does not find any particular reason. Usually, pancreatic problems are caused by Gall stones and Alcohol, which were not there in my case). That could have been a shakeup point, but I did not listen that my body was trying to tell me to slow down. I kept running the show with full force and a brave face. Being away from family and working full time as an Oncology Nurse, I was looking after people who were fighting and dying from different cancers at Peter Mac Hospital in Melbourne. I was suffering inside, psychologically without even recognising, not paying attention to my inner self (because I had no idea how to), repressing them with work and pushing them deep where I would not see them. So, I silently suffered for many more years.

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          When I was in highly stressful situations, I realised that I felt scared that the world had turned against me or even tried to hurt me. I was hypersensitive to others’ nonverbal cues, constantly interpreting what someone was thinking and feeling. This quality was shaped by my profession as a Critical Care Nurse, Nurse Educator and Clinical Manager and has served me very well there but was not helpful in my daily life and was more unnecessary information.

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        A major shift happened when we started to plan our first pregnancy and thought about bringing a new life into this world. The universal power of mother love tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to take the road that leads to happiness and self-discovery.

Knowing how most of my sufferings were linked back to my childhood, I felt responsible for getting my reins in my hand to learn and unlearn, which was not serving me anymore. The internal quest of doing right for my unborn children; just like every new parent, I wanted to do my best as a mom and started thinking about how to give my kids the best of me before they were even born. I knew that our problematic behaviours should not thwart our kid’s growth and should not jeopardise reaching their full potential in life. I started reading a lot of Conscious parenting books and learned quickly how parents’ own unrecognised emotions can have damaging effects on their kids. I was amazed at how most of our habits are built in the early stages of our childhood. We all get physically ready before the pregnancy, but I was determined to be mentally ready before welcoming the soul into my womb. I learned Transcendental meditation and continued my daily practice.

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        Little did I know then that it was the start of my journey of self-discovery. I started my Mindset Training and learned about fixed and growth mindsets from my coach, where the seed of the NLP and hypnosis were first introduced.

 

        It takes some time to rewire our hard-wired brains to get rid of old thought patterns and then integrate and adapt to new information. After initial learnings, I wanted to shift things outside me, like changing a problematic friend, parent figure and colleague. I wanted a quick way to stop negative emotions. I became self-aware enough to identify these behaviours and knew the way out of them, but I still felt more vulnerable, shameful, unworthy and hopeless. I remember repeating to myself, “why can’t I change?” “What is wrong with me?” I had all the correct information to make changes and an intellectual understanding of how that could be done, but I was still trying and losing the battle over my emotions. I felt that I would never accomplish what I wanted to achieve in my life. It was so difficult to imagine that my life would ever change its course after experiencing several disappointments in a row.

 

         A palpable change happened when I started practising NLP and gained insights into the workings of NLP, Hypnotherapy and Timeline Therapy. The journey of learning about causes of behavioural problems, the psychology behind habits, childhood traumas, and their harmful impacts on physical and mental wellbeing has led me to remove so many of my childhood trauma, limit beliefs, limit emotions and start loving myself and feel the happiness inside. I learned how I could reshape my thoughts by reframing. I enjoyed these learnings about growth, getting connected with my intuitive and higher self and cherishing the flow of that connection.